don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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