Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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