Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
