1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
