you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
