She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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