I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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