I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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