I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
