The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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