Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
