somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
