Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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