Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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