woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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