She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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