I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
