my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
