I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
