oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
