Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
