He passed out mid-signature
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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