i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
