Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
