I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
