I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
