after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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