Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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