When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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