I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
