i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
