An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
