Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
