i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
is it fun? or sober?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
