This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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