So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
