I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
