He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
