If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
