New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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