can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
