its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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