I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
