last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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