OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
