i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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