there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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