i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
