I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
