She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
