But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
