He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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