What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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