How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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