if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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