You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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