Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
