Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
