She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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