Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
