Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
