the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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