Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
