i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
