Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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