There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
