I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
