I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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