I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
