So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
