just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
