i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
