I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
