How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
